s.

I once got angry with someone for not listening to me. For not hitting my standard of a great friend because i felt that the listening skills were non existent.

this person lashed out and said something along the lines of, “I don’t know what you want to hear from me, Stephanie. Because if it’s a solution you’re looking for, I sure as hell don’t have one for you.”

Harsh. But true. How can I expect people to have solutions for me if I can’t even use my spectacular problem solving skills to solve my own problems? When i’m the person who knows my problems the best, down to the very last observed detail.

So, this actually started off as me being angry with someone, when really the person i am frustrated with is myself. For an even more nonsensical reason being that i can’t solve a problem as soon as it occurs.

My patience has ways been on a really short leash. I need immediate answers to problems that have taken a lot of time to develop. Too much time searching, not enough time embracing. We’ll see how this goes

Bitten by the homesick bug

I am feeling homesick…WAY too early in the game.

way way way too early and it has been less than two months.

fuckyeahhawaii.tumblr.com

“ When people see how strong I am, and there’s not a man around, it’s like, ‘What is she doin’?’ But I don’t need a man to make me happy. I need to make myself happy first. ”

Open between the hours of 1 AM - 4 AM

Nov. 15, 2009; 1:32 AM - lonely early morning blog.

My personal control shows my strength. This dominating influence over my emotions grasps the very best of me. My ability to engulf myself in such an idea removes the thought of having an actual heart full of emotions.

Knowing that I am in control of any personal situation allows me to stop myself from crossing a line. I become aware of the fences, and I never dare to scale them to discover what lies beyond the barriers it encloses me within. I limit myself to my own morals and values. I use my tunnel vision. It almost seems as if I am narrow minded. Maybe this is the truth of the matter.

However, I am waiting for the day that someone will revive my heart, allow it to beat again, and allow my soul to breathe again. And the day that happens, this person will offer their hand from the opposite side of that fence, daring me to break the rules with them, and I will follow.

When I am ready, when I am willing, I will lose all sense of control and learn to trust again.

Just while I'm on the subject of kissing..

sawkward:

thelovelybones:

I’d rather kiss and hold hands instead of anything sexual. I feel like I’m the only one who would prefer it..

no, me also:)

ditto.